Good people

Lots of music, lots of people, lots to think about!


 This post is about people. They could be your friends of many years, they could be friends just starting, or they could be brief acquaintances.  They could be family. This is is about how lucky we are, to be able to connect and to care about each other. To be able to teach, to be able to learn.

 Over recent weeks, I've had several close friends in completely unrelated scenarios go through some really tough times. Really heartbreaking stuff to be honest, and it was very hard seeing people I cared about in that kind of pain. There were many spontaneous and very long conversations, and they really poured their hearts out. It occurred to me just how important it was for me to be there to listen, and how much trust they must have in me to share their pain that way. Not surprisingly, these are all the same people that were there during my dark years that I've written about in this blog. It really struck me just how important it is to be available and be understanding when people need you, regardless of where on your journey you may be at the time. You may not always have answers or advice; being a sounding board for people when they are working through things may be just what they need. The big thing is to let them know that they are safe, cared for, and most importantly, being heard.  I consider myself infinitely lucky to have these people, in all the different capacities we are in, and to have a role in their lives. I just hope I can do for them all the things they have done for me.

 This kind of ties in with an impromptu conversation I had recently, mostly about a positive attitude, but also about the role I have with my son. As you may or may not know, my little guy is on the spectrum with Asperger's, and he is very much the biggest thing in my world! Seeing a little person with the struggles he has getting people to understand him really opened my eyes to so much, not the least of which is really listening to someone. This is not typically in the school setting, and this can make some pretty big waves in a developing mind. As a parent, and presumably as an educator, we need to remember that our job is not to create or build the person we want them to be, but to give them the tools and ability to become themselves. This is very crucial for all children, and it is also relevant when you see an adult struggling through something as well. They may not arrive at the same solutions you will, and they may have a very different path to discover things, but that's ok!

 I guess that I'm really getting my teeth into such a milestone in my life, and my level of understanding, that I really want to express how grateful I am. Every conversation, every person I meet, and every moment I spend with my son has taught me so much, and really brought me some peace in my soul. It's a great world out there, with great people in it.

Anyway, here's some cool tunes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzQY7yRDil0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp2P6JKc1QE&list=RDxp2P6JKc1QE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgCiJNHgCJQ

Outrunning the past

  Spring is finally here! I've been on the motorcycle once with my son, windows are open at home, and I'm not wearing a coat this week!

 I'm writing this time after having quite a wonderful evening recently. This last week or two have been significant in that I have made a few more steps that are pretty big, and somehow I'm coming out to the other side with a little smile emerging. At work, I've had some issues that have finally grown to a point that a decision needed to be made, and after a 19 year run, I'm going to be moving on. It is a matter of considerable stress for me, but I've got to make a change for the sake of survival and long term happiness.
  I may have also mentioned before that I am facing a pretty ugly financial reality, and this week I took the first and biggest steps to address it. It'll be a long road, but I am finally emerging from the errors I made previously, and moving toward a stable future.
 Also, Julie and I are going to be finalizing the divorce in the next week or so. We have been very fortunate; we have managed to find our way through the separation on our own, and have become good friends. We are actually going to be going for a celebratory dinner once the paperwork is final, and we will raising a glass in honor of our new futures.

 While I was kind of surmising my overall status (broke, soon to be unemployed, and divorced, lol) I had the chance to go and see an absolutely gifted and amazing musician, in the company of a couple of great old friends. I realized just how lucky I am, and I felt a true happiness that I was on the right track after letting go. I beat my smoking addiction. I am a huge part of my son's life. I love my friends. I feel nothing but love and warmth from those close to me, and I can't overstate how thankful I am to be healthy enough to enjoy it. On the road to recovery, as they say.

To keep in the spirit of sharing great music, here is a little tune from the aforementioned musician I went to see the other night. He had the whole crowd entranced when he played this one:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA2qfXsq9co

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA2qfXsq9co

Faith, music, and irony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v9yUVgrmPY



 Good evening friends!. I hope the day finds you well, wherever you are in the world! I'm sitting at home, late at night waiting patiently for this cantankerous winter to move on for a change, lol. I guess my motivation for posting is a little bit more vague this time; I have many thoughts on my mind these days, but I'm struggling to find a way to articulate them the way I want to for this blog.

  I guess I'll refer first to the the "ironic" song link I posted....It mostly caught my attention (20 years after its release, lol) for it's musical energy and exuberance, especially the harmonies, but its lyrics gave me pause as well. In retrospect, I can't help but appreciate the irony of the last few years, with respect to my own experiences as well as of those close to me. Speaking about relationships, I have seen how my own marriage had the opposite trajectories for both of us. My ex (with whom I enjoy a healthy friendship now) wanted a great deal of independence and freedom in her life, and has found herself in a couple of relationships, up to and including one now that is progressing and maturing at a pretty good pace. This is not a bad thing of course; I just can't help but appreciate the irony of her predicament, as someone who wanted a good long break from a committed relationship to now find herself in one. I am genuinely happy for her, and although I know she is nervous, I think it has all the earmarks of something good and lasting. A further irony, is that I am the opposite....I craved a long-term relationship, a partnership if you will. I have zero interest in being a lone-wolf in terms of my place in the world, but I am just enough of a free spirit that the right partner is extremely elusive, so much so that I am wondering if I should exclude that part of my life for the foreseeable future. I have been dating a fair bit, or at least I guess that's what they call it. Thankfully, I have met some wonderful people, but I have not been able to make that emotional connection. Among other things, both musical expression and religion seem to be stumbling blocks. Weird combination! That is how I will smoothly segue into the second link I posted, lol.....

 So, the feared public discussion about faith. I have no idea if my views are unique and I reside alone way out in left field, or what. Basically, I completely believe that there is a God in the way we understand and define God in a Christian interpretation, however I also believe that God has been revealed or lives in many different ways among everyone on earth. I do not believe that the way we necessarily practice faith is completely correct for all people, nor do I subscribe to any one denomination. I don't see the bible and the teachings quite the same way as most Christians do, but I don't doubt or question those who follow it in the traditional sense. Unfortunately, in my past that has led me to be excommunicated more than once, and in the back of my mind, I fear that it will happen again. It's extremely difficult to depict my dilemma in the space available on this blog, but essentially I believe that God has a connection with people on an individual basis, not as a group per say. I'm not trying to be a convenient hypocrite, but the amount of translation that has been lost over the years, not to mention to simple difference in exposure to the world that people experience has me believing a basic morality to guide me, plain and simple. Now, that has caused some distress in my relationships from both sides of the coin; I'm not a true Christian to some, and others have ridiculed me for even trying to be a good guy for the beliefs that I have.
  Anyway, I'm probably boring the life out of you with this post, but basically I am finding myself in a weird void, and it's a very lonely kind of place. I don't expect I'll ever find the answer to this particular dilemma, but I am staying true to my faith and who I am. I feel as though I am good to people, and generous with my heart. I can't quote scripture, and I swear too much, but I have a great deal of love in my heart for everyone. Have another song to enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LukEq643Mk

Car crash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw1QOrzZYbI


Hello! Yes, I've been very quiet on here for some time. Kind of a long, self imposed period of time for reflection I guess. What better way t come back than to have a post littered with metaphors and gloom! lol


About the song.....Our lady peace, and the song title is car crash. It's well worth a listen; very moody and dark, best listened too alone at the end of the day. The subtleties I personally took out of the song had me reflect on a number of things I've experienced over the years. More recently, this has to do with my professional working affiliations, but there are connections to previous family conflicts, and some relationships of years gone by. Perhaps the reader can relate in this way too!


In my case, I'm aware that depression has touched me somewhat over the years. I have a tendency to let the actions of others wear me down spiritually, and it can be a heavy weight to carry. I know this is anything but unique, but it is what I feel. In this song, I feel like it speaks to a familiar dynamic, usually displayed in a scenario where there is a predatory force, exerting their will over another. In many relationships of any given variety, the bully, or predator, will grind down and victimize the partner right to their limit. But, at the point of breaking, they are also the ones to "save' their victim, and bring them back into their arms, feigning love, dependency, etc and let the cycle start again. This is a pattern of abuse, make no mistake. I am very much going through this at work, but I have also faced it within my family. This is a very painful admission, and the part of this song that really prompted me to write about this, is the depiction of the futility that this abuse can create in someone's mind. It definitely feels like there is no winning or surviving the conflict. Stay, and continue to live the abuse. Leave, and be destroyed, or succumb to failure of a life you cannot live alone. Pretty self-defeating, no? It's really nothing complicated to see how some people can be driven to suicide. This kind of despair, futility, and lack of self-confidence can do a lot of damage. Speaking as someone who is very much sensitive to these emotions, I would humbly ask this of the reader.....take your actions with people with this in mind. You don't always know what someone is thinking or feeling, and it would always be a better way to address someone by re-affirming their worth and place in the world. They may not belong at your side, but they belong somewhere, and it is not for us to stand in the way of that. Getting in the way just results in a crash, and as for me, I don't really want to end that way.

Just give it a listen. Don't talk, just take it in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaXoN1xwYW8

Not a good day (or month, or year)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAriDxTeed8

Well, you're my friend, (that's what you told me)
And can you see (what's inside of me)
Many times we've been out drinking
And many times we've shared our thoughts
But did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love, a love for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive to live I won't let go
But can you see it's opposition, comes arising up sometimes
That it's dreadful antiposition, comes blacking in my mind

And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And then I see a darkness
And did you know how much I love you
Is a hope that somehow you, you
Can save me from this darkness

Well I hope that someday buddy
We have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with our wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it up forever
And never go to sleep
My best unbeaten brother
This isn't all I see

Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
Oh no, I see a darkness
And did you know how much I love you
Is a hope that somehow you, you
Can save me from this darkness

Hello friends! It's been a while, hasn't it? I took the summer off in an attempt to recharge, and get a little direction happening in my life. I dubbed the season "the summer of Hooper", and managed to cross a few items off my bucket list. I quit smoking in April, managed to run 10kms, and rode my motorcycle to Cape Breton, NS and around the Cabot trail. I drummed for a considerable number of shows, and finally sold my house. I was able to teach my son how to ride a bicycle, ride a tube behind a boat, and spent a great deal of time with him in general. It's been a whirlwind of a summer, but a wonderful experience in all. 

So, what's with the gloomy tune in this post? Well, I guess one can try to stay busy, but reality can keep pace on any given day. I'm just feeling pretty down lately, so I hope you can indulge me and tolerate my grumblings. I fear that my list of goals were thinly veiled to hide the fears I have yet to face; I'm embarking on a pretty nasty financial reality, and at some point I need to admit that I'm struggling emotionally with my view on the world. I'm growing very weary of feeling bad about myself, and my dwindling strength to deal with it is concerning me. It would also seem that there are still no shortage of people with poor intentions about, and that just keeps dragging me back down to ground level. I am definitely trying my best to improve myself, maintain a great outlook on life, but the cynicism is hard to deny. I thought originally that if I keep my goals realistic, I would actually achieve them.  Apparently, even simple desires are beyond my reach it seems. I certainly don't mean to gripe about my own issues, but in general I feel pretty bad about a lot of the crap people have to go through. It's pretty heartbreaking to think about what people can and will do to each other, and there is no end in sight. This is nothing new of course, I'm just not as well-equipped as I once was to deal with it. I'd give quite a bit to have a little piece of confidence in my portfolio these days, but for now it eludes me.Again, I apologize for such a dreary post, but I'm hurting pretty bad these days. I'll try to do a better job next time. 

A new season

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLrDBb1YuXU
All our times have comeHere, but now there, goneSeasons don't fear the reaperNor do the wind, the sun or the rain(We can be like they are)
Come on baby(Don't fear the reaper)Baby take my hand(Don't fear the reaper)We'll be able to fly(Don't fear the reaper)Baby I'm your man
Valentine is doneHere but now they're goneRomeo and JulietAre together in eternity(Romeo and Juliet)
40,000 men and women every day(Like Romeo and Juliet)40,000 men and women every day(Redefine happiness)Another 40,000 coming every day(We can be like they are)
Come on baby(Don't fear the reaper)Baby take my hand(Don't fear the reaper)We'll be able to fly(Don't fear the reaper)Baby I'm your man
Love of two is oneHere but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadnessAnd it was clear she couldn't go onThen the door was open and the wind appearedThe candles blew and then disappearedThe curtains flew and then he appeared(Saying, "Don't be afraid")
Come on baby(And she had no fear)And she ran to him(Then they started to fly)They looked backward and said goodbye(She had become like they are)She had taken his hand(She had become like they are)
  I finally get a chance to post again! It's been a very busy month; I've had a chance to play quite a number of open mic nights, as well as some gigs filling on the drums. It's been great fun for sure, and it has me pumped up for the summer! I'm pretty excited and motivated to get going with life, and as of this writing, I am 2 weeks without a cigarette too.   As for the inspirational song posted above; I linked a cover version of the Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't fear the Reaper". I guess I've been sort of observing again, as well as thinking about my own life, and I've seen how important it is to embrace the future. Over the winter months I have been able to remain active, meeting many new people with many different dynamics. The whole process over the last 2 years has allowed me to achieve an awareness of how I see the world, and of who I am. I guess I'm just thankful to to be finally seeing the culmination of all these lessons, as they've happened for me, as well as what I've witnessed through others.   I very much feel like I need to be very involved with music, very involved with people, and most of all, focused on my son. I'm doing a great job of letting all of the negative aspects go (see smoking!) and I'm finding a lot of appeal to throwing caution to the wind, and embracing the things that just feel right. There's a lot of wonderful things to experience in life, and as I think it has been beautifully articulated in the song above, it's important not to fear what is in front of you. Don't let the end of a current or past situation be the end of everything. Currently, I sort of feel like transitionally I am in the last two verses of this song :). I am ready to ride the spiral, to see the beauty in the world, to cross over into a new life. I can't expect this song to speak to anyone the way it spoke to me, but I encourage you to give it a listen, preferably on a sunny day, cranked up loud, in a car on a country drive.