http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uizQVriWp8M
"I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me and
Bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel
Feel what its like to be new
Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're
Far more suited than here"
Meeting new people is quite an experience if you give it lots of thought. Especially if you're single, lol. Over the past year, I have gotten to know several people new in my life, and it never ceases to amaze me the different characteristics they can have. What I find the most fascinating however, is how they fit into my life, and how much their personality causes me to reflect and understand myself better. I consider myself to be a pretty complicated guy. I've been known to have very clear views and opinions, however in my thoughts I can't even sleep sometimes due to the process I go through trying to get the full perspective on what I've learned. I'm constantly deep in thought, and trying my best to "get" other people. In some instances, it can be very flattering when someone else takes an interest in you, but it can also be bittersweet when through that journey, you simply reveal more differences than what this new friend/relationship can sustain. For me, this begs the question of initial attraction. What is it that compels us to seek out more information about one person over another? I mean, I've met some people that categorically speaking I would not have much in common with, but engaged quite willingly in getting to know all the facts. The crappy part, is going through all the motions just to arrive at the conclusion that there is no spark. I suppose that is precisely what makes the "good connections" so special and fulfilling when they happen.
"I cannot guess what you'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain
I do believe its true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too"
And about those good connections, lol. Well, I must be very fortunate; I have been lucky enough to have felt that over the course of my life. There is nothing quite like having a conversation with someone new, and feeling totally at ease, and like they fully understand everything you say. At the risk of sounding like an egomaniac, I generally find people speaking in very superficial tongues, to the point that it's hard to care what they have to say. Don't get me wrong; there is always a time and place for idle banter without serious overtones. I just know that when the moments are there to express, communicate, and share important thoughts, there are few that "get it".
"So brown eyes I'll hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Where soul meets body"
I guess this post is meant to acknowledge and thank those of you who "get" me. You know who you are, and I cannot even begin to express how much I appreciate it.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
My Cave
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y
Wow, what a difference a few weeks can make. It's been a whirlwind, and I will offer this caveat before writing this post: I am not writing to specifically identify or quantify any particular individuals. This post, and the ones that will be sure to follow are meant to describe my interpretation of the lessons learned through my travels. I don't claim to know everything; these are just a few perspectives that I'd like to share. I like to have music as my inspiration, so I will be making references to songs that stand out to me. You've been warned!
"It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat"
So, I suppose I should start with baggage. It's something everyone has to one degree or another, and this is the year I was compelled to shed some of it. Going back to my childhood, there are some significant events that I now realize I had buried, forgotten, and moved on from. Ignorance is bliss, right? The only problem I discovered, is that somewhere, sometime, you'll get a visit from these memories. In my case, these events were horrific. After years of forgetting, I had a rude awakening this summer. Several developments collided with the stars, and BOOM!, all of a sudden I had a clear memory of being seven years old again. I remembered the emotions from then too, which scare me right down to my soul. You see, it is not necessary to focus on the events themselves, but to acknowledge the emotions that consumed me during my childhood. From around the age of 7 to approx 17, I lived with a fear that I can't even begin to describe. I mean, I was afraid of everything; teachers, bullies, death, you name it. This wasn't a healthy fear, this was paralyzing in many cases. I can say with total conviction, that my most consistent emotion during childhood was feeling like I was dying.
"But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again"
Moving along, as I got into my later teens, I grew in height, became physically shocking to look at (orange hair, earrings, etc), and basically assumed a persona that helped helped hide the total absence of self-confidence that I struggled with. It's funny; I continued to express such a persona in many forms right up until 40 years of age. On the outside, anyone would assume that I am brash, confident, and "have my shit together". I wish I believed that ego persona myself, but it wouldn't really explain why this visit from a dark past left me visibly shaking, crying, and hiding from people. Pretty tough to not only realize that you're not so tough, but to think that you're a fraud to all those people who believe in you.
"Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"
Wow, what a difference a few weeks can make. It's been a whirlwind, and I will offer this caveat before writing this post: I am not writing to specifically identify or quantify any particular individuals. This post, and the ones that will be sure to follow are meant to describe my interpretation of the lessons learned through my travels. I don't claim to know everything; these are just a few perspectives that I'd like to share. I like to have music as my inspiration, so I will be making references to songs that stand out to me. You've been warned!
"It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat"
So, I suppose I should start with baggage. It's something everyone has to one degree or another, and this is the year I was compelled to shed some of it. Going back to my childhood, there are some significant events that I now realize I had buried, forgotten, and moved on from. Ignorance is bliss, right? The only problem I discovered, is that somewhere, sometime, you'll get a visit from these memories. In my case, these events were horrific. After years of forgetting, I had a rude awakening this summer. Several developments collided with the stars, and BOOM!, all of a sudden I had a clear memory of being seven years old again. I remembered the emotions from then too, which scare me right down to my soul. You see, it is not necessary to focus on the events themselves, but to acknowledge the emotions that consumed me during my childhood. From around the age of 7 to approx 17, I lived with a fear that I can't even begin to describe. I mean, I was afraid of everything; teachers, bullies, death, you name it. This wasn't a healthy fear, this was paralyzing in many cases. I can say with total conviction, that my most consistent emotion during childhood was feeling like I was dying.
"But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again"
Moving along, as I got into my later teens, I grew in height, became physically shocking to look at (orange hair, earrings, etc), and basically assumed a persona that helped helped hide the total absence of self-confidence that I struggled with. It's funny; I continued to express such a persona in many forms right up until 40 years of age. On the outside, anyone would assume that I am brash, confident, and "have my shit together". I wish I believed that ego persona myself, but it wouldn't really explain why this visit from a dark past left me visibly shaking, crying, and hiding from people. Pretty tough to not only realize that you're not so tough, but to think that you're a fraud to all those people who believe in you.
"Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"
So, I guess my reason for this post is this: I made some changes in my life. Big ones. There unfortunately are some people that I can no longer have in my life. That is NOT an easy decision, what one that needed to be made. I can no longer bear that cross. The switch that clicked in my head is not vague at all; I have a son. He needs his Dad to be complete, and there is no way in Hell I will allow him to suffer and have the baggage that I had. I know that you cannot protect your children from everything, but I can definitely give him a happy childhood for him to look back on one day. My aforementioned ego and persona? Whatever I have made people believe, whatever I fooled myself into being, it no longer matters. I am a Dad. That's the only person I want to be. I am the luckiest guy alive; my son is healthy, happy, and is loved. That's a name and a persona I can live up to
Friday, June 22, 2012
Naveed
Naveed, is a Persian name meaning "bearer of good news" or "best wishes".
So, it's been a while since I've posted, and I suppose that this blog has evolved into more of a random thought post for me instead of my vehicular chronicles. The title of this post occurred to me originally from the band "Our Lady Peace", who enlisted this name as their title track on their first album. It is definitely not a new release, and I suppose I chose to reference it not only for it's meaning in general, but it's relevance to me after so many years of listening to it.
As I've mentioned before, I now find myself a little over a year of being officially separated. There has been quite a number of emotions, dynamics, and discoveries during this process, not the least of which is the fact that I have grown to be quite a bit more philosophical about the little intricacies we see every day. Every once in a while, the pondering evolves into a lesson, and it subtly shapes my character as I go forward in life. Who ever said "school is never out" couldn't be more right.
So, in reference to this particular song bearing the title of this post; it made me stop and think of a number of scenarios that are close to me. The song, in my own personal translation of it, metaphorically describes the best intentions that could be projected to others, but in spite of this, some circumstances have people either being afraid of improving their particular state, or choosing to let the chips fall and the inevitable result be realized. The song depicts an extreme conclusion, but speaks to the realization that despite your best intentions, some people just might not want, or be able to receive your love. To whit: "would Naveed let a young man die" Kind of like leading a horse to water, but not being able to make him drink. Don't get me wrong; I have no divine insight into this, but it is how I interpret it.
What the Hell does all this mean? Lol, I guess it helps me understand how I've processed my own troubles, and why people close to me might process theirs differently. In my case, I have had no shortage of kindness shown to me, and that gave me the strength to face the pain head on, heal, and find the path forward. It has also helped me to be supportive of others that would not approach their difficulties the same way; and to remain caring, understanding and patient for them, regardless of how they choose to carry on. On some level, we must understand that we can't all save the world, and let people find their own path. It's not up to us as individuals to change the course of the world, but to be versatile and roll with things as they come, and above all else remain true to our values. We must understand that we cannot be all things to all people, and that's just a fact of life.
Anyway, this might read as nonsense to some, but it's my blog, and I'll write what I want to :) To any readers, I hope that the day finds you well.
So, it's been a while since I've posted, and I suppose that this blog has evolved into more of a random thought post for me instead of my vehicular chronicles. The title of this post occurred to me originally from the band "Our Lady Peace", who enlisted this name as their title track on their first album. It is definitely not a new release, and I suppose I chose to reference it not only for it's meaning in general, but it's relevance to me after so many years of listening to it.
As I've mentioned before, I now find myself a little over a year of being officially separated. There has been quite a number of emotions, dynamics, and discoveries during this process, not the least of which is the fact that I have grown to be quite a bit more philosophical about the little intricacies we see every day. Every once in a while, the pondering evolves into a lesson, and it subtly shapes my character as I go forward in life. Who ever said "school is never out" couldn't be more right.
So, in reference to this particular song bearing the title of this post; it made me stop and think of a number of scenarios that are close to me. The song, in my own personal translation of it, metaphorically describes the best intentions that could be projected to others, but in spite of this, some circumstances have people either being afraid of improving their particular state, or choosing to let the chips fall and the inevitable result be realized. The song depicts an extreme conclusion, but speaks to the realization that despite your best intentions, some people just might not want, or be able to receive your love. To whit: "would Naveed let a young man die" Kind of like leading a horse to water, but not being able to make him drink. Don't get me wrong; I have no divine insight into this, but it is how I interpret it.
What the Hell does all this mean? Lol, I guess it helps me understand how I've processed my own troubles, and why people close to me might process theirs differently. In my case, I have had no shortage of kindness shown to me, and that gave me the strength to face the pain head on, heal, and find the path forward. It has also helped me to be supportive of others that would not approach their difficulties the same way; and to remain caring, understanding and patient for them, regardless of how they choose to carry on. On some level, we must understand that we can't all save the world, and let people find their own path. It's not up to us as individuals to change the course of the world, but to be versatile and roll with things as they come, and above all else remain true to our values. We must understand that we cannot be all things to all people, and that's just a fact of life.
Anyway, this might read as nonsense to some, but it's my blog, and I'll write what I want to :) To any readers, I hope that the day finds you well.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My feeble attempt at lyrics
So, one of my recent adventures is doing some song writing. Feeling a little creative; I came out with this a few months ago. My band has it a full song version now; hopefully it gets some legs. I'm not a pro, but so what. I named it "siren call"; influenced by the Greek Mythology of Sirens, "portrayed as seductresses who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. "
SIREN CALL
LYRICS: MIKE HOOPER SUMMER 2011
We once traveled this road together
Our team, an island in the sea
Back to back, we faced the world
But we stopped facing each other
I’d give it all away
For you to see me again
cause the man that stands before you now
Hollow, from what he was then
Chorus:
can you hear the siren calling
can you hear the siren calling
It was the answer that you gave
a life i couldn't save
A life full of promise
but caught in your wake
and i know this is fake
a life full of promise
It’s time for me to go away
To reap what I sow from this sad tale
My best wasn’t enough to keep you here
Fade to black, ashamed, fade away
Our team, an island in the sea
Back to back, we faced the world
But we stopped facing each other
I’d give it all away
For you to see me again
cause the man that stands before you now
Hollow, from what he was then
Chorus:
can you hear the siren calling
can you hear the siren calling
It was the answer that you gave
a life i couldn't save
A life full of promise
but caught in your wake
and i know this is fake
a life full of promise
It’s time for me to go away
To reap what I sow from this sad tale
My best wasn’t enough to keep you here
Fade to black, ashamed, fade away
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Random thoughts
So this is not a motorcycle post; more of some of the thoughts that occupy my mind these days. Its been 6 or so months since my separation, and it's been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster since that time. At some point, I would say it's turned into quite a blur. I find that these days my current state is quite unusual, at least to me.
I'm normally quite busy, focused, and assertive with the day to day experience of life. Now, on one hand, I'm finding that my role as a father is sharpened and clear, and moving in a very positive direction. My son had a very rough patch for a while, but thank God he is such a bright and resilient little dude, and has shown such a tireless promise of happiness and growth that leaves me in awe of what a miracle he truly is. He has given me a gift I cannot begin to describe, and it really brings tears to my eyes when I consider the gravity of what being his Daddy really means.
My own internal struggle however, is that in direct contrast to the connection I feel with him, everything else is somewhat surreal. I guess in some strange way I'm detached from all else that was once normal to me, but there is some degree of comfort with that. I have absolutely no clue what the future holds, but I do know that I need to evolve somehow. I feel that in large part I became my job, my bills, my possessions, etc. How strange it is to want to be rid of everything I thought gave me comfort. The transition is as vague as ever right now, but what has been absolutely destroying me is not knowing the depth of my own strength to make the right decisions as I go forward. I know that I crave some serious change, but have not yet found my path. Hell of a time to need to "find myself" at almost 40 years old, lol. I guess my fear is the fact I know exactly who I am. I just haven't found my place in the world, and that is tearing me apart.
For now, it's all about my son. Beyond all the other stuff, I absolutely cherish every moment I have with him. Watching him grow and learn, seeing him smile, being a big part of his life truly puts perspective on everything else. Perhaps I can find the right path after all.
I'm normally quite busy, focused, and assertive with the day to day experience of life. Now, on one hand, I'm finding that my role as a father is sharpened and clear, and moving in a very positive direction. My son had a very rough patch for a while, but thank God he is such a bright and resilient little dude, and has shown such a tireless promise of happiness and growth that leaves me in awe of what a miracle he truly is. He has given me a gift I cannot begin to describe, and it really brings tears to my eyes when I consider the gravity of what being his Daddy really means.
My own internal struggle however, is that in direct contrast to the connection I feel with him, everything else is somewhat surreal. I guess in some strange way I'm detached from all else that was once normal to me, but there is some degree of comfort with that. I have absolutely no clue what the future holds, but I do know that I need to evolve somehow. I feel that in large part I became my job, my bills, my possessions, etc. How strange it is to want to be rid of everything I thought gave me comfort. The transition is as vague as ever right now, but what has been absolutely destroying me is not knowing the depth of my own strength to make the right decisions as I go forward. I know that I crave some serious change, but have not yet found my path. Hell of a time to need to "find myself" at almost 40 years old, lol. I guess my fear is the fact I know exactly who I am. I just haven't found my place in the world, and that is tearing me apart.
For now, it's all about my son. Beyond all the other stuff, I absolutely cherish every moment I have with him. Watching him grow and learn, seeing him smile, being a big part of his life truly puts perspective on everything else. Perhaps I can find the right path after all.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Darin Martin Music: A Conversation
Darin Martin Music: A Conversation: This morning I had a few friends respond to my blog post which is on my website @darinmartinmusic.com and she suggested that it would be go...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)