Spring is finally here! I've been on the motorcycle once with my son, windows are open at home, and I'm not wearing a coat this week!
I'm writing this time after having quite a wonderful evening recently. This last week or two have been significant in that I have made a few more steps that are pretty big, and somehow I'm coming out to the other side with a little smile emerging. At work, I've had some issues that have finally grown to a point that a decision needed to be made, and after a 19 year run, I'm going to be moving on. It is a matter of considerable stress for me, but I've got to make a change for the sake of survival and long term happiness.
I may have also mentioned before that I am facing a pretty ugly financial reality, and this week I took the first and biggest steps to address it. It'll be a long road, but I am finally emerging from the errors I made previously, and moving toward a stable future.
Also, Julie and I are going to be finalizing the divorce in the next week or so. We have been very fortunate; we have managed to find our way through the separation on our own, and have become good friends. We are actually going to be going for a celebratory dinner once the paperwork is final, and we will raising a glass in honor of our new futures.
While I was kind of surmising my overall status (broke, soon to be unemployed, and divorced, lol) I had the chance to go and see an absolutely gifted and amazing musician, in the company of a couple of great old friends. I realized just how lucky I am, and I felt a true happiness that I was on the right track after letting go. I beat my smoking addiction. I am a huge part of my son's life. I love my friends. I feel nothing but love and warmth from those close to me, and I can't overstate how thankful I am to be healthy enough to enjoy it. On the road to recovery, as they say.
To keep in the spirit of sharing great music, here is a little tune from the aforementioned musician I went to see the other night. He had the whole crowd entranced when he played this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA2qfXsq9co
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA2qfXsq9co
Friday, April 11, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Faith, music, and irony
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v9yUVgrmPY
Good evening friends!. I hope the day finds you well, wherever you are in the world! I'm sitting at home, late at night waiting patiently for this cantankerous winter to move on for a change, lol. I guess my motivation for posting is a little bit more vague this time; I have many thoughts on my mind these days, but I'm struggling to find a way to articulate them the way I want to for this blog.
I guess I'll refer first to the the "ironic" song link I posted....It mostly caught my attention (20 years after its release, lol) for it's musical energy and exuberance, especially the harmonies, but its lyrics gave me pause as well. In retrospect, I can't help but appreciate the irony of the last few years, with respect to my own experiences as well as of those close to me. Speaking about relationships, I have seen how my own marriage had the opposite trajectories for both of us. My ex (with whom I enjoy a healthy friendship now) wanted a great deal of independence and freedom in her life, and has found herself in a couple of relationships, up to and including one now that is progressing and maturing at a pretty good pace. This is not a bad thing of course; I just can't help but appreciate the irony of her predicament, as someone who wanted a good long break from a committed relationship to now find herself in one. I am genuinely happy for her, and although I know she is nervous, I think it has all the earmarks of something good and lasting. A further irony, is that I am the opposite....I craved a long-term relationship, a partnership if you will. I have zero interest in being a lone-wolf in terms of my place in the world, but I am just enough of a free spirit that the right partner is extremely elusive, so much so that I am wondering if I should exclude that part of my life for the foreseeable future. I have been dating a fair bit, or at least I guess that's what they call it. Thankfully, I have met some wonderful people, but I have not been able to make that emotional connection. Among other things, both musical expression and religion seem to be stumbling blocks. Weird combination! That is how I will smoothly segue into the second link I posted, lol.....
So, the feared public discussion about faith. I have no idea if my views are unique and I reside alone way out in left field, or what. Basically, I completely believe that there is a God in the way we understand and define God in a Christian interpretation, however I also believe that God has been revealed or lives in many different ways among everyone on earth. I do not believe that the way we necessarily practice faith is completely correct for all people, nor do I subscribe to any one denomination. I don't see the bible and the teachings quite the same way as most Christians do, but I don't doubt or question those who follow it in the traditional sense. Unfortunately, in my past that has led me to be excommunicated more than once, and in the back of my mind, I fear that it will happen again. It's extremely difficult to depict my dilemma in the space available on this blog, but essentially I believe that God has a connection with people on an individual basis, not as a group per say. I'm not trying to be a convenient hypocrite, but the amount of translation that has been lost over the years, not to mention to simple difference in exposure to the world that people experience has me believing a basic morality to guide me, plain and simple. Now, that has caused some distress in my relationships from both sides of the coin; I'm not a true Christian to some, and others have ridiculed me for even trying to be a good guy for the beliefs that I have.
Anyway, I'm probably boring the life out of you with this post, but basically I am finding myself in a weird void, and it's a very lonely kind of place. I don't expect I'll ever find the answer to this particular dilemma, but I am staying true to my faith and who I am. I feel as though I am good to people, and generous with my heart. I can't quote scripture, and I swear too much, but I have a great deal of love in my heart for everyone. Have another song to enjoy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LukEq643Mk
Good evening friends!. I hope the day finds you well, wherever you are in the world! I'm sitting at home, late at night waiting patiently for this cantankerous winter to move on for a change, lol. I guess my motivation for posting is a little bit more vague this time; I have many thoughts on my mind these days, but I'm struggling to find a way to articulate them the way I want to for this blog.
I guess I'll refer first to the the "ironic" song link I posted....It mostly caught my attention (20 years after its release, lol) for it's musical energy and exuberance, especially the harmonies, but its lyrics gave me pause as well. In retrospect, I can't help but appreciate the irony of the last few years, with respect to my own experiences as well as of those close to me. Speaking about relationships, I have seen how my own marriage had the opposite trajectories for both of us. My ex (with whom I enjoy a healthy friendship now) wanted a great deal of independence and freedom in her life, and has found herself in a couple of relationships, up to and including one now that is progressing and maturing at a pretty good pace. This is not a bad thing of course; I just can't help but appreciate the irony of her predicament, as someone who wanted a good long break from a committed relationship to now find herself in one. I am genuinely happy for her, and although I know she is nervous, I think it has all the earmarks of something good and lasting. A further irony, is that I am the opposite....I craved a long-term relationship, a partnership if you will. I have zero interest in being a lone-wolf in terms of my place in the world, but I am just enough of a free spirit that the right partner is extremely elusive, so much so that I am wondering if I should exclude that part of my life for the foreseeable future. I have been dating a fair bit, or at least I guess that's what they call it. Thankfully, I have met some wonderful people, but I have not been able to make that emotional connection. Among other things, both musical expression and religion seem to be stumbling blocks. Weird combination! That is how I will smoothly segue into the second link I posted, lol.....
So, the feared public discussion about faith. I have no idea if my views are unique and I reside alone way out in left field, or what. Basically, I completely believe that there is a God in the way we understand and define God in a Christian interpretation, however I also believe that God has been revealed or lives in many different ways among everyone on earth. I do not believe that the way we necessarily practice faith is completely correct for all people, nor do I subscribe to any one denomination. I don't see the bible and the teachings quite the same way as most Christians do, but I don't doubt or question those who follow it in the traditional sense. Unfortunately, in my past that has led me to be excommunicated more than once, and in the back of my mind, I fear that it will happen again. It's extremely difficult to depict my dilemma in the space available on this blog, but essentially I believe that God has a connection with people on an individual basis, not as a group per say. I'm not trying to be a convenient hypocrite, but the amount of translation that has been lost over the years, not to mention to simple difference in exposure to the world that people experience has me believing a basic morality to guide me, plain and simple. Now, that has caused some distress in my relationships from both sides of the coin; I'm not a true Christian to some, and others have ridiculed me for even trying to be a good guy for the beliefs that I have.
Anyway, I'm probably boring the life out of you with this post, but basically I am finding myself in a weird void, and it's a very lonely kind of place. I don't expect I'll ever find the answer to this particular dilemma, but I am staying true to my faith and who I am. I feel as though I am good to people, and generous with my heart. I can't quote scripture, and I swear too much, but I have a great deal of love in my heart for everyone. Have another song to enjoy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LukEq643Mk
Monday, February 17, 2014
Car crash
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw1QOrzZYbI
Hello! Yes, I've been very quiet on here for some time. Kind of a long, self imposed period of time for reflection I guess. What better way t come back than to have a post littered with metaphors and gloom! lol
About the song.....Our lady peace, and the song title is car crash. It's well worth a listen; very moody and dark, best listened too alone at the end of the day. The subtleties I personally took out of the song had me reflect on a number of things I've experienced over the years. More recently, this has to do with my professional working affiliations, but there are connections to previous family conflicts, and some relationships of years gone by. Perhaps the reader can relate in this way too!
In my case, I'm aware that depression has touched me somewhat over the years. I have a tendency to let the actions of others wear me down spiritually, and it can be a heavy weight to carry. I know this is anything but unique, but it is what I feel. In this song, I feel like it speaks to a familiar dynamic, usually displayed in a scenario where there is a predatory force, exerting their will over another. In many relationships of any given variety, the bully, or predator, will grind down and victimize the partner right to their limit. But, at the point of breaking, they are also the ones to "save' their victim, and bring them back into their arms, feigning love, dependency, etc and let the cycle start again. This is a pattern of abuse, make no mistake. I am very much going through this at work, but I have also faced it within my family. This is a very painful admission, and the part of this song that really prompted me to write about this, is the depiction of the futility that this abuse can create in someone's mind. It definitely feels like there is no winning or surviving the conflict. Stay, and continue to live the abuse. Leave, and be destroyed, or succumb to failure of a life you cannot live alone. Pretty self-defeating, no? It's really nothing complicated to see how some people can be driven to suicide. This kind of despair, futility, and lack of self-confidence can do a lot of damage. Speaking as someone who is very much sensitive to these emotions, I would humbly ask this of the reader.....take your actions with people with this in mind. You don't always know what someone is thinking or feeling, and it would always be a better way to address someone by re-affirming their worth and place in the world. They may not belong at your side, but they belong somewhere, and it is not for us to stand in the way of that. Getting in the way just results in a crash, and as for me, I don't really want to end that way.
Hello! Yes, I've been very quiet on here for some time. Kind of a long, self imposed period of time for reflection I guess. What better way t come back than to have a post littered with metaphors and gloom! lol
About the song.....Our lady peace, and the song title is car crash. It's well worth a listen; very moody and dark, best listened too alone at the end of the day. The subtleties I personally took out of the song had me reflect on a number of things I've experienced over the years. More recently, this has to do with my professional working affiliations, but there are connections to previous family conflicts, and some relationships of years gone by. Perhaps the reader can relate in this way too!
In my case, I'm aware that depression has touched me somewhat over the years. I have a tendency to let the actions of others wear me down spiritually, and it can be a heavy weight to carry. I know this is anything but unique, but it is what I feel. In this song, I feel like it speaks to a familiar dynamic, usually displayed in a scenario where there is a predatory force, exerting their will over another. In many relationships of any given variety, the bully, or predator, will grind down and victimize the partner right to their limit. But, at the point of breaking, they are also the ones to "save' their victim, and bring them back into their arms, feigning love, dependency, etc and let the cycle start again. This is a pattern of abuse, make no mistake. I am very much going through this at work, but I have also faced it within my family. This is a very painful admission, and the part of this song that really prompted me to write about this, is the depiction of the futility that this abuse can create in someone's mind. It definitely feels like there is no winning or surviving the conflict. Stay, and continue to live the abuse. Leave, and be destroyed, or succumb to failure of a life you cannot live alone. Pretty self-defeating, no? It's really nothing complicated to see how some people can be driven to suicide. This kind of despair, futility, and lack of self-confidence can do a lot of damage. Speaking as someone who is very much sensitive to these emotions, I would humbly ask this of the reader.....take your actions with people with this in mind. You don't always know what someone is thinking or feeling, and it would always be a better way to address someone by re-affirming their worth and place in the world. They may not belong at your side, but they belong somewhere, and it is not for us to stand in the way of that. Getting in the way just results in a crash, and as for me, I don't really want to end that way.
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